Instead of resolutions, each year I listen for the words or phrase that will guide me. Last year, the words were trust, magic, and play. I appreciated the guidance of these words, which reminded me to trust that everything is unfolding according to a secret order, and to appreciate the presence of magic in the ordinary. Instead of deadly seriousness, playful trickster energy helps to stay fresh and present, to navigate even the most challenging moments.
In the dark days of the winter solstice, I was guided to step into the flow, and recognized that this is my phrase for 2016. I love the fluidity of it, the invitation to get up off the bank and wade right in to the moving water of life. I have a lifelong habit of observing from the sidelines so this is an invitation to get into the game, engaging with the mystery of unknowable outcomes.
Stepping into the flow will somehow help me to obey an urging I kept hearing during the last year: to speak up more as a woman, a seeker, a mystic, an artist, a writer. Now is not the time to hold my silence as someone who feels deeply and intuits broadly. I have been challenged to give voice to these energies, these softer, more feminine ways of being and knowing that are so needed right now. I must admit, I feel great resistance ‘fessing up and sharing this publicly.
This reluctance indicates that I must do whatever inner work I need in order to find the courage and confidence to speak up. And continue to work on craft and build skill to engage with these messages and relay them as well as possible.
Part of embracing this calling for the New Year involves releasing old habits and energies that hold me back and weigh me down. I will release them via a fire ceremony, written on cards, both to serve me in my personal quests and to help clear the way for new stories of love, belonging and connection to take root and grow. Some of these are embarrassingly personal, but in the spirit of speaking up, here they are:
- certainty and control
- hesitation based in fear
- the story that my life isn’t romantic enough
- overdoing it on Netflix, red wine, and salty snacks (my trifecta of avoidance and numbing out)
- the story that I’m not doing my life “right”
- withholding permission to play the piano
- keeping quiet when prompted to speak up
My motivation to move people with words is not an external “goal.” I speak up from a great need and desire that arises from deep within. It arises from my own well of consciousness and deeper still, through that personal cavern from the vast subterranean river that flows through all living beings. The great imagination of our Mother Earth who is even now dreaming me into being. She sings stories to me by night in my dreams and by day in my longings, my thoughts and emotions. It is my responsibility and great privilege to step into that flow and to share whatever whispered messages I manage to hear.